


Sansa's Sausage Reviews

by wightjon



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Blowjobs, F/M, Humor, PWP, Smut, a lot of sausage talk, but really dogs are better then lizards so, instagram au, kinda trashes lizards, really just blowjobs and minor talk of ass play, really might be kinda cringe but i did my best, whats a plot i dont know her
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-03
Updated: 2018-08-03
Packaged: 2019-06-20 23:26:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15544536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wightjon/pseuds/wightjon
Summary: Jon hated social media--that is until his Aunts stupid lizards went and got 'insta famous' and made Jon determined to make Ghost even more 'insta famous'. But what he finds when he goes insta snooping hes not so sure he likes.....





	Sansa's Sausage Reviews

**Author's Note:**

> This is for Jonsa Smut Week and was inspired by my bae Sophies sausage reviewing account. I hope you find it a little hot and super funny. Its not really Beta'd cause I got impatient to post so bear with me if I fucked up some grammer or whatever.

Jon hated social media-it was a well known fact among his friends and family. Jon was broody, in love with Sansa, highly competitive, and hates social media--but what Jon hated more than social media was his Aunt’s stupid pet lizards ( _ are lizards even pets??? _ ) and Daenerys’ weird superiority over them. It was like her entire personality is about those lizards and she took every opportunity to brag about them, like at their last family dinner when she told him how she created an instagram account for them and they already had 2,000 followers.  

 

Jon had pretended to be happy for her and congratulated her on her success but his mind was already reeling. Ghost was a million times better than those stupid reptiles and he deserved to be loved and seen by everyone. If he made a page for Ghost he was sure to triple the amount of followers Drogon and the other two whose names he forgot had. He decided then and there he was going to make Ghost and him an account when he got home-and show Daenerys what a real pet looked like. 

 

“What should our username be, boy?” Jon asked Ghost as they snuggled on the couch. Ghost cocked his head at Jon in reply to his name but then just licked his face then put his head in Jon’s lap. 

 

“You are the worst help you know that?”  Jon laughed while scratching Ghost between his ears, “Alright well what about….ghostandhisboy?” Ghost yelped happily and gave him another lick, “Well I’ll take it you like that too then.” Jon smiled and clicked enter--officially creating the account. 

 

Jon added two photos-ones he knew for sure everyone would love as Sansa had taken them during their last mini-holiday and they were his all time favorite photos of Ghost. One had Ghost covered in red lipstick kisses and smiling like a dork, and the other had Ghost lying in a field of tall grass sleeping and looking very handsome in Jons opinion.  He then waited a few minutes and refreshed the page, then waited a few more minutes and refreshed again, he did this for half an hour before groaning in frustration.  _ Why hadn’t he gotten any notifications? Why weren’t people liking Ghost’s photos? What was the matter with these people? Was the world filled with nothing but lizard loving scum like his weird aunt? _

 

Before giving up on humanity completely, Jon decided to check out Arya’s account to see if maybe he was doing something wrong. 

 

Scrolling through Arya’s feed he noticed she seemed to hashtag and tag a lot of things and people, so he made a mental note to try using those on Ghost’s photos.

 

“Hashtags must be really important to this judging by how much Arya uses them,” Jon told Ghost as he continued to scroll and learn the ins and outs of social media. 

 

Jon had nearly decided he had seen enough to get the hang of it when a username Arya tagged in a photo of her and Sansa from their holiday last spring caught his eye  _ sansalovessausage.  _ He squinted at it in confusion--that's not Sansa’s instagram her username is  _ ladylemoncake _ and she was the first person Jon had followed.  _ Who was this person and why was Arya tagging them? _

 

Clicking on the account the first thing he noticed was the profile picture--there was no denying that was his girlfriend of 3 years in the photo sucking on a long sausage with a smirk. 

 

_ What in the? _ Jon continued to scroll down the feed of the account-other than an occasional selfie of Sansa eating a sausage--that Jon didn’t want to admit seemed  _ a bit  _ to sexual for his liking on a secret account it was filled with nothing but photos of sausages. 

 

He clicked on a photo of a large Northern sausage that he was vaguely sure was from the diner they frequented and read the caption underneath it.

 

_ Thick and juicy like always--a Northerner always seems to fill me up and I can never fit the whole thing in my mouth no matter how hard I try ;) bit saltier at the end and the juices got quite messy but very satisfying. Can’t wait for more _

 

Jon furrowed his brow in more confusion, couldn't fit the whole thing in her mouth? The sausage in the photo and the ones he knew the diner served were pretty short and he’s  _ seen _ Sansa shove two in her mouth at once before, and saltier at the end? Why would a sausage be saltier at the--

 

All at once, the extremely phallic sausage photos, the strange captions, the secrecy hit Jon like a ton of bricks.  _ She was talking about dicks! _

 

The realisation made Jon sick to his stomach and Ghost whined at him as if he knew something was wrong.  _ Who’s dick is she talking about boy? _

 

Ghost gave him a concerned look, then his ears perked up and he yelped happily as he leaped from Jons lap and ran to the door. 

 

Jon quickly went to exit out of the app as he knew this could only mean one thing, that Sansa had came home from work early, but before leaving the offending page his eyes caught a detail he hadn't noticed before and he was stunned. Sansalovessausge had over 20,000 followers. 

 

“Jon! How was your lunch with your Aunt?” Sansa asked him cheerily and she came into the living room to greet him, Ghost quick on her heels. 

 

“How did you get 20,000 instagram followers?” Jon blurted out before he thought about how to explain himself.

 

Sansa stopped dead in her tracks and a confused look clouded her face, “I only have a few hundred followers on instagram Jon what are you talking about?”

 

“On your secret sausage account Sansa,” Jon replied angrily, “I found it and you have tons of followers on it-how did you get them and more importantly whos dick is all those sausages supposed to be.”  he tossed his phone on the cushion next to him accusingly as he waited for Sansa to explain herself. 

 

Sansa blinked at him, her blue eyes wide with shock, “You found my sausage account?” she asked in disbelief and then her face quickly grew angry, “You found my sausage account and you dont know whos dick I’m talking about Jon Snow?”

 

The mood change took Jon by surprise--why was she angry? He was supposed to be the angry one as  _ she _ was the one with a secret sexual sausage account. “Well should I?”

 

Sansa glared at him, “Well one would think they would know when their girlfriend is talking about their own dick.”

 

Relife flooded Jon when he realized what Sansa was saying. “It’s my dick your talking about in all the posts?” Jon asked meekly suddenly embarrassed by his outburst, “Then why did you hide it from me?”

 

“I didn’t think you would want me posting about our sex life however vague on social media” Sansa replied simply, “and i find it really hot talking about you to so many followers even if his disguised as something innocent. I shouldn’t have hid it though I’m sorry Jon” A playful smirk danced across Sansa’s lips as she crossed the living room and knelt in front of Jon, “I can think of one way to make it up to you” she said as she started to unbuckle his pants.

 

Jon was reeling with between all the information Sansa had just told him-- _ she found it hot to talk about him to other people online? _ Mixed with the visual of Sansa still in her tight work clothes on her knees and licking her lips as she took his dick from his pants. “Kennel Ghost-now” Jon cried hoarsely as he focused on Sansa’s cherry red lips pulled into a seductive smirk as she planted a chaste kiss to the head of his cock. 

 

Jon hissed with pleasure as Sansa licked his shaft, using her spit as a lube to start slowly jerking him off with one hand and fondle his balls in the other. 

 

“Gods Sansa” Jon moaned as she swirled her tongue over the head of his cock her eyes watching him as he went to run his fingers through her hair and pull it out of the top knot she wore it in. 

 

“You like this Jon?” Sansa asked slurping as she turned her head and licked his full length again-leaving a trail of spit running down his cock as she began to pump him in earnest. 

“Fuck” was all Jon was able to put to words as he continued to watch as Sansa gave him a messy blowjob. The sight of her dressed so prim and proper combined with the feeling of her hot wet mouth bobbing up and down his cock and her sinfully soft hands playing with his ass and balls had him emberassily close to finishing quickly. He tried to shift his focus to keep the pleasure from overwhelming him but at that same moment Sansa decided to slide his cock entirely down her throat engulfing him completely. She had never taken him in full before as she had a delicate gag reflex and the sight alone was spectacular, but when she started to hum while massaging him with her tongue he lost control. 

 

Jon gasped as he clutched Sansa’s hair in one hand and the side of the couch in the other, he didn’t even have time to warn Sansa as he usually did that he was about to orgasm. His cum shot into the back of Sansa’s throat and he felt her swallow thickly until he ran dry. 

 

“How was that love?” Sansa asked as she wiped her mouth and moved to sit next to Jon on the couch, “Am I forgiven for my account?”

 

Jon was still in a haze of pleasure but before answering heard Ghost whine from his kennel, “On one condition.”

 

Sansa cocked an eyebrow at him, “Oh?”

 

“You have to help Ghost get more followers then my aunts stupid lizards.”

 

Sansa burst into laughter hearing Jon’s demand, “Deal-now let’s go get some sausage to eat--I have to keep my reviews up to date.”


End file.
